How to make the gym feel less intimidating

If walking into a gym feels about as comfortable as walking into a room full of rugby forwards arguing over who stole their Weetbix, you’re not alone. Seriously. Even people who look confident as hell now once felt exactly the same.

I’m Jamie, a friendly Upper Hutt PT who helps adults restart exercise, rebuild confidence, and find some mental clarity along the way. I want to unpack why gyms can feel intimidating — and how to actually get past it without needing to hype yourself up like you're about to run out onto the field at the Cake Tin.

This isn’t a polished “10 steps to confidence” list. This is a real chat. The kind I have with clients who feel intimidated about going to the gym.

Why Gyms Feel Intimidating (and No, It’s Not Just You)

Gyms are weird places. You walk in and suddenly feel like everyone else has memorised some secret rule book that you never got. People throwing weights around, someone doing a banded hip thing that looks like a mating dance, a dude grunting like he’s trying to summon a taniwha. The equipment looks like torture devices designed by someone who hates beginners.

But here’s the truth — every single gym regular started with zero clue. Research on behaviour change shows that environments play a huge role in how confident we feel (Deci & Ryan, 2000). New environment = uncertainty = brain goes “nope.” Completely normal.

And let’s be honest: Upper Hutt gyms have their own charm. You’ll absolutely see someone training in footy shorts from 1998, someone else hogging the cable machine for 40 minutes, and someone who looks like they used to be a Viking. But you’ll also see heaps of everyday legends who genuinely don’t care what anyone else is doing.

Myth: “Everyone Is Watching Me”

Nah. I promise you. They’re not. A 2017 study on social perception found that people dramatically overestimate how much others notice them in public spaces (Gilovich et al., 2017). Basically, your brain lies.

Most gym-goers are too busy:- Figuring out their own workout- Checking their form- Trying not to drop a dumbbell on their foot- Wondering why the playlist switched to Taylor Swift mid-set. If someone is looking around, it’s usually because they’re trying to find the attachment for the cable machine that mysteriously vanished.

Virtually every client, when they start, thinks that everyone is watching them…and they all quickly learn this is not the case!

My Coaching Philosophy (AKA Why You’re Not Supposed to Know Everything)

My whole approach is built around three things:

1. Keep it simple — complicated training rarely works for beginners. You don’t need fancy equipment or perfect technique from day one. You need confidence reps.

2. Meet people where they’re at — especially adults restarting exercise or dealing with mental health struggles. Training should feel supportive, achievable, and human.

3. Build long-term identity, not short-term hype — we’re not chasing a six-week “before and after.” We’re building the version of you who walks into a gym without your nervous system going into full possum mode. I’m not here to bark orders. I’m here to translate gym-speak into normal-person language and help you feel like you belong.

The First Step: Lower the Bar (Not the Weights)

Your goal is NOT to walk into the gym and smash an hour-long sweat-fest. Your goal is to show up.

Seriously. Turn up. Walk in. Do literally one thing.

Behaviour science calls this the “minimum viable habit” (Fogg, 2019). Tiny actions that teach your brain, “Hey, this isn’t scary.”

Some ideas:-

Go for 10 minutes and leave.

Walk on the treadmill while you people-watch.

Do three machines you already know.

Stretch in a corner and call it a day.

Your confidence grows from repetition, not perfection

Plan Before You Go (So You Don’t Wander Around Lost Like You’re in Pak’nSave on Christmas Eve)

Write a simple plan. Keep it short. Keep it boring. Example:- 5 min warm-up- Leg press- Chest press- Seated row- Go home

That’s it. That’s a legit workout.

When you know your path, you reduce the awkward “Uhh… what do I do now?” moments that make beginners want to leave

Ask for Help (It’s Literally My Job)

If you're unsure about equipment, ask a trainer — or ask me. PTs genuinely like helping. That’s why we got into this job. Well, that and the fact we enjoy watching people discover they’re stronger than they think.

And no, you’re not bothering us. I’d rather show someone how to set up a machine than watch them wrestle with it like they’re trying to fold a fitted sheet.

The Confidence Trick No One Talks About

Do something you already enjoy before going to the gym. Example:

- Favourite playlist- Coffee from a local spot (Columbus, Macca’s drive-thru, your call)

- A few deep breaths in your car so your nervous system chills the heck out

Pairing something positive with something scary helps your brain link “gym” with “safe” instead of “run.”This isn’t fluffy mindfulness advice — it’s supported by research on habit loops and emotional priming (Wood & Neal, 2016).

Wear What Makes You Feel good, not what you think you should wear.

If you're comfy in a hoodie, wear it. If you want to rock a tank top, go for it. If you’re wearing mismatched socks because you can’t find the right pair — congratulations, you officially fit in at every Upper Hutt gym.

The “Start in the Corner” Strategy

This is one of my favourites. Pick a low-traffic spot:- A mat area- A quiet corner- The treadmill Start there. Warm up. Breathe. Ease yourself in. Once you feel settled, move to a machine. Then maybe another. You’re not proving anything to anyone — just expanding your comfort zone one small move at a time.

Track Wins (Even the Dumb Ones)

Every time you go, write down one win.  Examples:

- “Didn’t panic when someone looked near me.”

- “Used a machine I’ve never touched before.”- “Didn’t bail and go to McDonald's.”

- “Sweated so much it looked like I’d been in a sprinkler but kept going anyway.”

Celebrating small wins boosts confidence, motivation, and a sense of progress — all things linked to long-term exercise success (Bandura, 1997).

Remember: You’re Allowed to Be a Beginner

Gyms are for beginners.  Gyms are for people restarting after years.  Gyms are for people who have battled anxiety, depression, low motivation, or self-doubt.  Gyms are for people with dodgy knees from netball, tight backs from office work, and shoulders that click louder than a cicada. You don’t earn your place by being fit.  You earn it by showing up.

A Few Real Upper Hutt Scenarios (Yes, These Are Common)

- You’re nervous walking into the gym because the car park is full and you think everyone will see you walk in. Spoiler: no one is looking.

- You’re worried someone you know will be there. They’re probably worried about the exact same thing.

- You see someone doing a complicated exercise and think, “I can’t do that.” They couldn’t at first either.

- You have to adjust a machine seat and suddenly forget how numbers work. Happens to literally everyone.

When Anxiety and Exercise Intersect

A lot of my clients come to me not just for physical fitness but for mental health support. Exercise is one of the best tools for mood regulation — research backs this up consistently (Blumenthal et al., 2012). But anxiety can make the starting point feel impossible, so here’s what we do:

- Slow exposure

- Predictable programs

- A focus on safety and autonomy

- Wins over weight loss-

Encouragement without pressure

My job isn’t to get you shredded. My job is to help you build a relationship with movement that supports your mental health, not stresses it further

You Belong in a Gym — Even If It Doesn’t Feel Like It Yet

Confidence comes from doing the thing while still feeling uncomfortable. That’s courage. If you walked into a gym once and froze — that’s not failure. That’s step one.  If you turned around and went home — that’s still data.  If you messaged me saying, “Jamie, I swear the guy next to me lifted a small car,” — great. Tell me more. That’s part of the journey.

Gyms stop feeling intimidating once you realise everyone is fighting their own quiet battles. You’re not the odd one out — you’re one of the crew.

Final Thought

You don’t need to wait until you’re confident to start training. You start training to become confident. And if you ever want support, guidance, or someone to laugh with you when you accidentally pick up the wrong attachment and don’t know where it clips in — I’m right here. Let’s make the gym feel like your space, too.

References- Bandura, A. (1997). Self-efficacy: The exercise of control.- Blumenthal, J. A., et al. (2012). Exercise and mental health outcomes.- Deci, E. & Ryan, R. (2000). Self-Determination Theory.- Fogg, B. (2019). Tiny Habits.- Gilovich, T., et al. (2017). Social perception and self-consciousness.- Wood, W. & Neal, D. (2016). Habit formation research.